Everything Jake - Monday, February 19, 2001

Monday, February 19, 2001

Everything Jake. #309

From what… I understand, from what I've read in books, from what I've seen… on television… there should be a blinding white light right about now. I should be feeling an overall sense of peace. White light. Sense of peace. Echoes of my life gone past.

I'm not feeling any of that, right now. I'm just… angry. Really, really angry.

I do, however, recall one of my earliest memories of my mother. It was a spring, no, late summer afternoon, the sun… shining ( is this the white light?) overhead, almost unbearable. I couldn't of been… older than five, the latest, six. We were having a picnic in a local park, Newbridge Road Park, I think, I was playing tag, no, freeze tag with my sister. No, it was just running around trying to catch each other. I… I remember tripping, being knocked down, twisting my ankle something fierce.

Little boy tears swelled up in my eyes, my sister, running toward my parents. I… couldn't move, my ankle had already blown up to the size of a golf ball. I… was flat on my back, just lying there, motionless. This was it. My dad, short of temper back then, right before… she got sick… if he only know… my dad was going to flip on me. I would be grounded. Stupid, stupid Jake, falling and hurting himself. It wasn't Becky's fault, of course, but she would be to blame. But…

My dad did not yell at me. I don't remember that, anyway. I remember the sun. It seemed forgiving, peaceful. "It's okay, Jakey, everything is going to be okay." The sun then was blocked, by a figure. My mother bent over me, put her arms around me. At this moment, one that stands out now of all others…

"It's okay, Jakey, everything's going to be okay."

This was one of the safest moments of all my life, I felt nothing could hurt me, nothing could touch me. I was invincible, for that moment, in my… my mothers arms.

I… remember, reaching out… reaching out to touch my mother's… face…

^JAN February 2001 ^MAR

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