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(psst… there was a wednesday comic… just click the single arrow before you read this…) Everything Jake #859 by Mike Rosenzweig All Pat did when he woke up was cry. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise; he cried and cried and cried. I didn’t want to call campus security, I mean, my roommate did just try and strangle me, but I felt that maybe we could handle the situation “in house”. Plus, as we all know, campus security couldn’t find an egg in a chicken farm. But all Pat did was cry. So I called his father. He talked to his dad for a long time, between bursts of hysterical crying. I tried to clen up a little bit, but all I was doing is coughing. It was like my body was trying to get as much air as it possibly could (after being strangled, I guess, air is no longer taken for granted) but the flu was trying to get in the way. I stayed on my feet as long as Pat was on the phone. I had too. There was no way I was going to go back in that bed and become a victim. Again. No way. I wanted to call Kelly, my best friend and former roommate, and tell him what happened. Nut I had to wait until he was off the phone. Pat cried a little bit more when he hung up the phone. It was though he was out of tears, but the cry mechanism didn’t recognize the fact. I saw a little Pat dressed in a workers uniform inside his head calling for more tears, cranking the cry wheel, and another little Pat in a flowery dress, crying, saying there are no more tears to give. Yeah, I know, my imagination just had a spasm. But, onward. Pat explained through his blubbering that yes, he is sick. He thought he had been taking his medication all this time but may have missed a dose (or six, yeah, he said “or six”) and that’s why Tap came out. He explained that Tap was directly connected to the time period in his life when ({his words, again) he went from a skinny person to a fat person. It all ties in to some gland problem he had when he was a kid, I just glossed over most the details, the longer I was standing, the weaker I was getting. So he tells me that his alter ego is more or less his fat talking to him. I wanted to throw up laughing. Pat said that Tap is manageable; this is why he is allowed away at school, as long as he takes the pills. Tap only comes out when something is wrong in the natural order of things. If something in their world is upset or out of place. Maybe it’s not exactly what I meant by Chaotic Good, but Tap is definitely chaotic. I reminded Pat that Tap had tried to kill me, and he couldn’t understand that, and cried some more. I rested my hand on the bed, and he started to pack up. He said he dad was coming for him, he was going to take the rest of the semester off and maybe not ever come back to school. I told him that what he was saying was a little extreme. You don’t have to leave SCHOOL for what happened, just get better, take your pills, no problem. Pat had smiled, and just kept packing up his things. I felt bad, but didn’t know why I felt bad. He tried to kill me, and there I was trying to get him to come back to school. And I felt bad. What the hell was wrong with me? I should have wanted to ram his fat beady head through a wall. He tried to strangle the life out of me. I’m too nice sometimes, I realized then (I’ve realized it before, but it’s like tears and taking air for granted, time tends to make you forget some things) that I am way, way too nice. Two things led to trouble down the line. 1) Pat moving out, the school never gave me a new roommate, and 2) Me reverting back to being way too nice. Kelly had come over after Pat’s dad (a very skinny, tall dude) had picked him up, and I told him what had happened.    
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EVERYTHING JAKE is TM & (C) 2000-2011 by Mike Rosenzweig. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
