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  The room was dark save for the soft glow of the almost full moon from outside the sliding glass door that served as one of the walls. The door was cracked open, a cool ocean breeze lazily pushed the sheer drapes back and forth. Kelly Rose sat next to his bed in the corner of the room, transfixed on the drapes dance with the breeze. It was the third night in a row where sleep had trouble finding him. Two nights ago it didn’t find him at all, he had just laid there on his too soft bed and stared at the stucco ceiling. It wasn’t that his thoughts were racing, as it usually is with insomnia. He barely remembered a thing. Maybe he was dreaming that he couldn’t sleep. A cruel dream. Kelly doubted that, even Jake had noticed the dark circles that now seemed to be carved under his eyes. You okay man? He had asked, at the Mission Viejo Mall. Kelly had brushed it off, saying he was up looking at the stars, no big deal. The stars did seem brighter on the West Coast. But Jake knew, and didn’t say anything, and for that Kelly was grateful. Then why couldn’t he sleep? He simply just wasn’t tired. It boiled down to that. Simply. Not. Tired. What did he have to tired for, anyway? This trip had definitely been easy living, beach, mall, beach again. New York beaches were now ruined for him forever. As were New York malls. The malls in SoCal are mostly open air malls, no ceiling. And the girls… oh my God the girls. Everywhere you went, EVERYWHERE there was blond hair and light eyes and usually a smile. Most of the time a smile. New York girls were now ruined for him forever. It was hard to resist temptation, but he was resisting with all his willpower. No pussy in California, he had foolishly said to himself. He wished he could go back in time and slap himself across his head. Are you fucking nuts? ALL THERE IS IN CALIFORNIA IS PUSSY!!! But, of course, he couldn’t go back in time. Even Jake couldn’t go back in time. Maybe Megoth could, but he was 3,000 miles away humping his sister. A promise was a promise, even if made to yourself. Integrity. Honor. Pride. Trust. Where had these words gone in the last four years? If there was one thing word he would use to describe him in his senior year in high school, it would be: confident. Now? Loser. When did that happen? No pussy in California. Be strong. Temptation is for the weak. I cannot be defined by anything other than what I want to be defined as. Loser. LOSER. When did that happen? Flippy-flopp-folppy the sheer drape said to him, as the breeze grazed through it. It wasn’t an apparent change. He knew that. He didn’t go to bed Kelly Rose, Confident, and wake up Kelly Rose, LOSER. There were stages. Intervals. Plateaus either lowered or raised, depending on what side you were standing on. Freshman year he had gone to bed Kelly Rose, Confident, and Senior Year he had woken up, Kelly Rose, LOSER. Well, from now on? No more Kelly Rose, LOSER. But… Kelly Rose, ? Who is Kelly Rose now? His thoughts drifted to Mercy. She had to be still alive. Had to be. There was no body. He wasn’t there when Jakey had brought down London on her, and he knew there wasn’t any corpse. And then finding out that you had to die to join the SECRET SOCIETY OF FUCKING LOSERFACEDICKSHITS? She had the same kind of power Jake had. Kelly seen her use it a bunch of times. She always seemed to know what he was thinking or, most of the time, feeling, right before he even knew. Mercy was one of them, one of the FUCKINGLOSERFACEDICKSHITS. What hurt more? Her being real, honest-to-God dead, or her not being dead, and not letting them in on the secret? What the hell did he care anyway, she had dumped him long before this London bullshit happened. There was something about her. The way she used to bite her lip during sex. The way she used to be able to go when he wasn’t just ready yet, or didn’t know he could go again. The way she seemed to be more graceful than anyone else. The way he liked the way she looked at him when they saw each other outside class. The look said that she knew that he was thinking about what she looked like naked, and it was okay. He didn’t want to think about her anymore. Everything of course seemed better now, almost a year later. He knew his mind made everything seem to be covered in sugar and sparkles. Hindsight is more than 20/20. It adds stuff. Blends reality and fantasy. If she was alive, and London never happened, would he even be thinking this? No. Of course not. But she was either dead or faking her death and not telling anyone. Get out of my head, Mercedes, there’s no more room for you in it. What would Mercy have thought about Trish and him? Would have seen it for what it was. Futile. Or was it? He had only hooked up with her that night in the apartment because she was there, it was snowy out, and she was really hot. That’s one thing about Trish, she was really hot. He snickered. Did we even like each other, or were we just the only ones there? He figured he liked her, somehow, but couldn’t think of how. It was a mistake, he knew it, it should have been just a one night stand, but after seeing Jake and Faith together and how they just clicked, how could they not give it a go? A mistake from day one, when she told him about Cory Daniels, her boyfriend from high school. The kid lived with her in her parents house. They almost got married. She told him why they broke up, how they had gotten back together a couple of times and how, one night, he had just disappeared to Vegas. Poof, like that. And then he got himself killed. Shot? Stabbed? Whatever. The love of her life, dead. He realized that was the ticket. Even if Mercy wasn’t dead, just the knowledge of her alive was good. That’s why it hit Trish so hard, he was not alive, no matter how far away he was living. If Mercy--- out. Get out of my head, Mercedes, there’s no more room for you in it. Kelly had instantly known that Trish wasn’t ready for a relationship. He knew he wasn’t ready, either. She had compared him to Cory, even if she never said, he felt it. The same way he compared her to Mercy. They were dating each other’s ghosts. He would call her, when he got back to New York. He was leaving a little earlier than Jake and Faith, he wanted to get his apartment in shape after Megoth and Rosey move out. Megoth should have graduated, but his credits were all fucked up when his evil twin signed him up for some stupid ass classes and never went. He only had one semester left. He said he would stay a bit, but he would need to get a job. A job, and grow up. Megoth growing up seemed very, very funny. Can’t believe he’s fucking my sister. His back made a argument to sitting up at almost 3am, and Kelly stretched. It hurt more than it should. Been a while since the gym. Gotta get to the gym. And Jake. Gotta get Fatty McBruno to the gym. He eyed his fresh pack of Marlboro Reds. He had quit on the Parliament Lights and Marlboro Lights. He was now, Kelly Rose, Marlboro Reds. He grabbed one and quietly opened his screen door, he knew Faith (if not Faith and Jake) were sleeping in earshot distance. He smiled, remembering the time that they almost got caught having sex by Jake’s dad and his uncle. They really should be a little more quiet. He never told them he knew. He lit up his smoke and inhaled a little too deeply. After exhaling, he heard a little cough from the next room. Faith. Shit, I woke her up. “Oh, crap, Faith, I’m sorry…!” “No worries, I can’t sleep either.” “Want me to put this out?” He held out the cigarette as if she could see it. “No, hold on, I’ll join ya.” This is not what he wanted. He wanted to be alone in his weird insomnia. He would end up talking about Mercy, even though he really didn’t want to. “You can’t sleep either, Kelly Rose?” She walked out, just as she was closing her robe. Kelly didn’t want to look, he really didn’t. He caught of what was under the robe, a little white tee shirt that exposed her very flat stomach and small, maybe white or pink, cotton panties. He was disgusted with himself for looking, it was his best friends girl. It was late, it was the beach, hey, no pussy in four weeks, a man’s gotta look. If she noticed him looking she didn’t say anything. “Yes, and no. I had a dream,” he lied, “Didn’t want to go back to sleep.” “About Mercy?” Was it that apparent? What is really Mercy haunting him? Why wouldn’t she just be dead already? “How’d you guess?” “A girl knows.” “Right. Well, even if you could read minds, you wouldn’t be able to get into mine.” He smiled. “I don’t need to read minds to know that it was about her and not, say, Trish.” “I don’t want to talk about her.” “Did she talk to you?” “She hasn’t talked to me since we broke up—“ “I meant Mercy.” “Oh. “No.” “She talked to me once. That night, of the snow storm? The night we all hooked up? Except Megoth and Sandy, that is…” “Who knew he was fucking my sister.” “I knew.” “Oh jeez. Was I really the last to know?” “Yes.” “So what did she say?” “Your sister? She told me not to te—“ “Mercy.” “Oh. She was in my dream, but I couldn’t see her. I could hear her, she said that I should look after Jake, that he needs me. She told me to protect him.” “Really? She never talked to me. Most of the time she’s just standing there, smiling.” “Naked?” “Sometimes. But she spoke to you, hunh? Figures. I think, once in a while, that maybe she’s not dead.” “Kelly, I feel the same way about my dad sometimes. That all of a sudden he’s going to wake up out of a coma somewhere in New Jersey, that he was able to get out of those burning buildings alive. That’s not going to happen. I know he’s dead, the same way Mercy is.” “Faith… I know. But. Still.” Kelly puffed one last drag and crushed the butt on the brick of the house. He tossed it into the trash. He had thrown one once into the sand, Jake’s uncle had found it and put it in Kelly’s shoe. Kelly never said a word and never had to, it was the man’s house. He used to trash that had appeared silently the next night. “Jake still writing?” “Yeah. Fourth or fifth night in a row. He’s got to be done soon.” “I think he’s up to the part where he goes to the island.” “Hopefully, that’s the end of the story.” “Is it? I saw it as the beginning. Well, Faithy Faith, I’m gonna go try and sleep and not think of Mercy or Trish. Good talking to you, hon.” Kelly gave her a hug and she hugged him back. She smelled like sun tan lotion and perfume. Faith had always smelled good, but very different than Trish or Mercy. Faith had always smelled too good for Kelly Rose, LOSER. “I think he’s very lucky, Faith.” “Oh yeah?” “Yeah. G’night.” “Good night yourself, Kelly Rose.” She walked back into her room and closed the door behind her, giving him one more good night smile. Her robe had opened while she was closing the curtains but didn’t notice. Kelly glanced quickly and went back into his room. He crept into the bed, it was still too soft. He tried to think about other things.    
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EVERYTHING JAKE is TM & (C) 2000-2011 by Mike Rosenzweig. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
