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Everything Jake. #712 The Car Ride Home From the City with Jake and Megoth by Mike Rosenzweig SOME SPOLIERS FOR EPISODE TWO, FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T SEEN IT** Megoth: He's from New Zealand, Jake, by the way. Jake: I knew that. Wait. Who? Megoth: Jango. Jango Fett. The actor is popular New Zealand actor. Temura Morrison, I think. He's not Australian. Jake: I never said he was. Megoth: One of you did, Joe, Nick, Greg, or maybe I even said it. But he's not Australian. Jake: Not Australian. Got it. silence Megoth: I hate these long car rides, especially this early in the morning. I mean… when we get back, it's going to be like four… four in the afternoon, and I'm not going to have any energy to play these cheap PS2 games I got. Jake: What'dja get? Megoth: Jak and Daxter and Okage: Shadow King. Both cast me less than forty bucks art Kay Bee. It's a sweet deal and a half. Jake: Sounds like it. Is this music okay? Megoth: Sort of, I mean, how many times can we listen to the same Dido CD, Jake? Jake: As many times as it takes. Megoth: For what? Jake: I dunno. Sounded good. You gonna see Star Wars when we get back to school? Megoth: Yeah… I… I think… I think we should take Kelly to go see it. Sucks that he had to stay back for… uh.. his science assignment. Jake: That's funny, I thought he said he was doing an art project… Megoth: It's a science… a science art project… Jake: Ah. silence Jake: This might sound a little far fetched… but… I think Mace Windu might be a bad guy. Megoth: Are you fucking insane? Mace is the noblest of all the Jedi! I shouldn't even talk to you the rest of the car ride!!! Jake: Think about it, Megoth. When you watch it again, watch his reaction shots. He's always there when Yoda can't see the future. Yoda gives him the same "look" he gives to Palpatine. Yoda the only one who knows what's going on, watch. I call it now, in Episode Three: Revenge of the Sith, Mace Windu's shroud of secrecy is the biggest twist, like, ever. Megoth: The biggest twist ever is if Obi-Won has sex with Natalie Portman and is Luke's father. Jake: Isn't it funny how you said Natalie Portman instead of Padme? Megoth: I hate the name Padme. Luke and Leia's mother should have a better name. Jake: What if it turns out that Obi-Won is Luke's mother? Megoth: Now you're just getting silly. Jake: Y'know I saw Natalie Portman once. Megoth: Get out. Jake: Yeah, I was in a movie theater on Long Island and she passed me. I was going to say hi but I just kind of froze. Megoth: Typical. Jake: As if you would have said anything. Megoth: I would have been all over that. Jake: Yeah, right. Only if "I would have been all over that" means hiding in the corner crying. Megoth: That's what I meant. Jake: Thought so. Megoth: What movie? Jake: What? Megoth: What movie was she seeing? Jake: I don't remember. silence Jake: So why did Kelly really stay home? Megoth: What do you mean? Jake: Listen, Megoth, we have at least three, three and a half hours left in the car, I don't want to make it more uncomfortable for you. I think you should be frank with me and tell me the truth. Megoth: Fascinating. What makes you think I'm lying? Is it some sort of sixth sense? Jake: No. Kelly said it was an art project, and you said it was a science project. You're a bad liar, Megoth. Megoth: Oh, am I? Jake: Yes, awful. Megoth: Promise you won't freak out? Jake: Have you ever known me to freak out? Megoth: Can I not answer that? Jake: Stop answering questions with questions. Megoth: Was I doing that? Megoth: Sorry. silence Megoth: The whole negative ray / depression thing… It wasn't really like that at all. Sure, we all were getting angry and doing things we normally wouldn't do, like your hair and Joe's hair and the girls fighting, but it had nothing to do with negative rays. I mean, that's just silly, don'tcha think? Jake: No. Well, I guess, kinda. But. I know I wasn't acting normal. Megoth: Me neither. And I do still think it had something to do with our dorm. But I'm not sure what. Jake: You're lying again. Megoth: Am not. Jake: Yes, you are. Call it my sixth sense this time. What's really going on? Megoth: Sigh. Someone, I don't know who, is after you, again. Jake: Ah, another member of the so-called Kill Jake Bruno club. So Kelly stayed back to kind of keep an eye on things while I was gone. Megoth: Sort of. Jake: You used him as bait. To see if someone would try and get to him? Megoth: Sort of. Jake: Son of a bitch, Megoth. That's stupid. But he doesn't look anything-did… did you make him a wig? Megoth: Sort of. Jake: I'm going to laugh, I really am, when I see that. But, the two or three people that have been after me had wanted to kill --- Megoth: Jake, I have a question. A question for you. Why would anyone want to kill you? Me, I understand, I had a machine that spoke to other dimensions, let in an evil version of myself, and, apparently, Kelly, I made a killer robot and am the envy of geeks and nerds everywhere. But you? What's so special about Jake Bruno? Jake: Besides being extremely sexy? Megoth: Uh… sure. Jake: No clue. Megoth: Now you're lying. Jake: Why were there two cops looking for you? Megoth: Probably has something to do with the evil version of myself and the hand that I lost but really didn't. I'm assuming it disappeared. That's the only thing I can think of. So the cops that found it and the two bums Evil Megoth killed with the mind blanker came to see me. They saw that I had both hands, and were satisfied, and left. Jake: Oh, yeah, knew that. Megoth: What makes Jake Bruno a target? I answered… answered you… now I… I think… you should answer… answer me. Jake: Look, it's an awful lot, and I haven't even told Kelly yet. I would be much, much easier to just… show you. When we get back, I promise. Megoth: Okay, fair… fair enough. Can we… can we stop at the next rest area? I have to whiz like you couldn't believe. Jake: Me too. And I think we should call Kelly to see if he got the bad guy. Megoth: Or if the bad guy got him. Jake: Now you're talking nonsense. Kelly can take care of himself. TEN MINUTES LATER: Jake: He's not answering the phone. Megoth: He could be out… or… or at class… Jake: On a Thursday? Let me try and call Mercy. What are you looking at me like that? It's the same number as Mecca or Faith. Sheesh. Megoth: Anh-hunh. Jake: No answer. Now I'm getting that sinking feeling in my stomach. Megoth: It's really probably just nothing. Jake: You really believe that? Megoth: I want… I want to. Jake: Let's go. I think we need to get back to school.    
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