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I'm a day (what else is new?) behind. You'll get two drawn Jake's on Tuesday. -M Sunday, Everything Jake #678 Why is Megoth so Freaking Mad? Megoth winced as Albert once again asked where he was from. "I swear..." he said, looking over to Jake and Kelly, "this has got to s... stop." Albert clinged onto Megoth's jeans as Megoth got up and walked over to Kelly and Jake. "What's his problem, Chris", Jake asked, still kind of freaked out that Albert could talk. Wasn't only a little more than a year ago where this... this robot had them cornered in a closet? Had Jake on the floor with his claws about to strike? Jake wondered if Faith hadn't come in and rescued him, would the claws have done anything to him anyway? "Ever since he was watching the Food Network he's been like this", Megoth said, trying to shake the crossbred Wolverine/Pikuchu off his pant leg. "Food Network?" Kelly was always the one to quesiton, and Megoth looked at him and sighed, as if to say, why are we still talking about this?!? "Food Network. They have a show, Unwrapped, hosted by the guy who used to host Double Dare-" "From Nick? The show where they used to dump shit on you?" "No, it was the show where they made you do stupid stuff--" "I think they dumped shit on you too." "I don't remember, Jake, it's not important, what's... what's important is--" "Isn't he obsessive compulsive?" "Who?" "The guy from Double Dare, Marc Jackson--" "Summers." "Whatever." "Papa, where do I come from?" "See what I mean? Ever since he saw that freaking Unwrapped show about where Tootsie Pops come from he's been all obsessed and... and shit. I haven't the heart to tell him he came from a First Generation Tekno Puppy Dog and an Electronic Pikachu Bank." They all sat in silence for a minute or two, no one not really knowing what to say or what to do. Albert wanted to ask where he came from again, but decided against it. "How did you teach him how to think?" "I didn't Kelly. I guess when I infused the Tekno Pup with some serious Ram it took it's basic programming and started asking itself questions." "So you created Super Furby, in other words. Hey, isn't Albert supposed to be mine?" "Yes. And you said you didn't want him." "No I didn't." "Albert?" Albert's eyes brightened, and he pressed something below his neck. A voice came out that if it wasn't Kelly's real voice, it was something very, very close. "--bzzt--- I toldja, fatsie, I don't want yer stoopid robot, you kin 'ave 'em back, aiight? ---bzzt--- pass me another Pabst --bzzt--" Jake laughed right away, Kelly wasn't so amused. Megoth was amazed. "He... he took what you said and ran it through... through.. through I guess can only be described as a... a sarcasm filter." "I would never drink Pabst, your robot lies!" "So this is why you're so pissed off, Megoth, Albert's been up your ass?" "He'd probably like that." "Shut up, Jake." "I was j'saying..." "Shut up, Jake." "Sorry." "No. That's not why, Kelly. I... I have been annoyed by Albert... yea... but the simple fact remains that I cannot locate my beloved Ms. Stranger." "Who?!?" "Ah. Sorry. Melinda, the woman who I have shared my first romantic encounter with. It appears she does not exist." "Does not exist?" "Does not exist. Anywhere. I have tried finding a profile on all the major internet search engines. I cannot Google her for I know not her real last name, just the pet one we so--" "Okay, okay." "A-HEM. There is no Melinda in the school datafile, even though she mentioned this school by name and said she was a student here. There is no Melinda in any of the dorm's or off campus housing. There is no Melinda is any apartments in a two mile radius (there is one, but it is an old woman with three cats). Ask me not how I know... how I know... how I know all this." "Uh, Megoth..." "Yes, Jake?" "I was going to ask how you knew all that?" "I asked not for you to not to n.... fudge--" "HA, Kelly, you owe me five bucks, toldja I could flub his Yoda speak up." "Could you let the man finish, Jake?" "He can't find his first kiss. No big deal. She wasn't using her real name, happens all the time." "Wait," Jake smiled, "Ask me not how I know this... heh heh." "Don't listen to him, Megoth, you'll find her." "W... why wouldn't she use her real name... it's... it's... ridiculous... what is her... her real... FUCK!!!!" "I guess this is why he was so upset. Listen, Chris, we'll help you find her, okay? I mean, she has pink hair, right? How hard could that be to find in upstate New York?" "I'm assuming you've never been to Peekskill." "Hunh?" "Nevermind. Megoth... wait... I gots an idea..." "What... what's your idea, Kelly?" "Why don't we send Albert to try and find her? And on the way, he could try and... (I really can't believe I'm saying this, out loud, in public), but he could try and find... himself." "Papa! Papa! I've never been to Peekskill!" The three of them look at Albert. Megoth shakes his head and has another fit of anger. "Damn! That's such... such a stupid idea. But--" Kelly puts two of his fingers out and mouths 'two birds with one stone' while motioning his hands as one would is trying to mouth two birds with one stone. (you figure it out -M) Megoth nods. Get rid of Albert, who is much more of a pain then he could handle right now, and perhaps he'll find Melinda. (sigh... Melinda...). "O... Okay. Albert?" "Papa yes papa?" "I need you to find me a girl--" "PAPA! I am not a solver of the impossible!!!" "No no no no, a specific girl. I'm going to download this picture I--(don't look at me like that, Kelly, Jake, you know I have a digital camera smiley face pin that I wear)-- took and I want you to find her, okay?" "Papa. She is very hard to find. But I will find her Papa -bzzzt-- Gosh darn reckon' I's will -bzzt--." It was Jake's voice, but as a country bumpkin. Everyone laughed but Jake, who kinda gave Albert a dirty but shocked look. Jake mumbled under his breath, I don't look like a freaking hillbilly with my new sleek hairdo... "So, Albert, you're off on you own. Good luck." Kelly added, "Also, Al, find out where you came from, okay?" There was a high pitched yelp or glee, unlike any of them have every heard, and Albert was out the door, almost skipping. All three looked out the door, in utter fascination.    
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EVERYTHING JAKE is TM & (C) 2000-2011 by Mike Rosenzweig. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
