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Everything Jake Sunday Reads #685: Hair Questions and Plot Shifting by Mike Rosenzweig "We cut it." "Well, I can see that, Kelly. Who the hell forced you guys to do that?" "Your mother, right Jake?" "She begged us, Joe, nothing we could do but oblige." Megoth snickered a little bit, but his main focus was on Joe's head. Not in the six years Megoth has known Joe has he ever did anything with his hair... but there he was, it cut short and frosted. And Joe was acting as if nothing had ever happened, as if Jake and Kelly were the ones who looked stupid. Something was going on. Megoth guessed that Joe would now become irrationally angry over Jake and Kelly's mother joke. He was right. "Fuck you, Kelly, Jake! You guys are so getting expell-", and so on Joe yelled at them. Megoth shoock his head. Now was the time to act. Something was going on. "Grab him, let's go outside." Jake looked at Kelly and Kelly nodded to Megoth. Jake felt even more depressed that Joe was going to expel him. He didn't want to get expelled. He liked school, even though everyone now hated him because he cut his hair poorly and Kelly got a haircut at the same time. Jake put his arms around Joe as tightly as he could, Joe was almost to the point of crying while still screaming at them. "Help me out here, Kelly, eh?" "--MOTHERFUCKERSYOUARESOGONEIMTHEBOSSHEREDAMMIT-" Kelly wanted to strangle Jake for telling him what to do. He wanted to strangle Jake until his head pooped off, then shove Jake's head down Joe's mouth. He then would loop Joe's head with Jake's head in it's mouth and ram it up Megoth's ass. That would show the fat fuck for calling him, Kelly Rose, bald. How hysterical, his head was shaved, not bald. Vin Diesel is bald. Kelly Rose is shaved. "You okay, Kelly?" "-GETTHISBLONDFUCKOFFOFMEYOUASSWIPESIMSOGOINGTOEXPELYO-" Kelly shook his head and cleared it for a second. They were trying to get Joe out of their room by force. Kelly nodded and quickly snatched up Joe's legs, so Jake and him were now, in effect, carrying Joe. They went to the hall and were about to drop him, when Megoth said, "No... outside... we need to get out of these dorms...!" "-HELPMENICKGREGSTOPPLAYINGFREEDOMFORCEDEMOANDHELPMEPLEASEWH-" No one was around in the halls or the staircase as they brought a yelling Joe outside. Jake, Kelly and Joe all fell on the grass outside Gorney Hall. Megoth sat on the steps, his hands on his heads. The effect was almost instantaneous. Joe sat up, and looked around. His glasses were a bit crooked on his square, full face. He fixed them and said nothing. Jake was lying on his stomach, rolled over and looked up at the hazy grey sky. Looked like rain, but not for a while. The fresh air felt good. He felt good. "Megoth... what the hell is going on?" Kelly was also sitting up but said nothing. "I... I don't know Jake. I think... I think it might be a gas leak of sorts that was making us all act like we normally wouldn't. Joe... Joe... um... do you know you cut your hair?" "Yes. But I had a good reason for it at the time-" "Which is...?" "I can't remember." "Jake... Kelly? Same thing?" "No, I know why I cut my hair. No one liked me with the long hair so I figured that I would change my image so... so... so people would... I'm sorry... it's like, just, that when I say it out loud, it doesn't seem like something I would think." "Kelly, what about you?" Kelly looked at Jake, who was sitting up, over to Joe, who looked really stupid with his frosted blond highlights and short hair. The anger, while it was subsiding, was still raging within him. It's under control, he thought, keep it under control. "If I said I didn't do it for the same reason, I would be lying. There was a moment... an epiphany, of sorts, where I thought... for some reason... what Jake did. I wasn't... cool enough. I needed... a change." "You guys are total pussies. Listen to you. 'Oh, people don't like me', please." "You saying you had a better reason, Joe?" "Fuck you, Megoth." Megoth smiled. But it just made him feel that much worse. He formulated in his head what could be happening. There could be a slight gas leak coming in from the heating unit, but would that cause irritability like they were experiencing? And what was that shit with Jake and Kelly? Are they really that pathetic? But if it wasn't a heating unit or some other form of gas leak... then someone could be after them. There was a certain type of weapon that could home in on an enemy's psyche... if someone was feeding those types of rays at him on their floor it would explain why Jake, Joe and Kelly freaked out and became wet bags. But why didn't he become a wet bag as well? But who could be after him, the Machine was gone, so no evil versions of himself or his friends could be running around. If there was another dimension breach he would have surely heard about it. He then remembered that Albert had mentioned that there was some strange activity with the janitors. There was a slight jump in the normal continuity. Janitors acting weird... possible gas leak... something to look into. He popped his head up, and Jake, Kelly and Joe were all standing up talking Episode Two. "I can't believe it's only a month away...!" "Right! Yo, didja catch the TV commercials yet?" "Don't tell me! I don't want it ruined! I totally blew my load too soon on Episode One and swore I wouldn't do the same for this one." "You are such a pussy, Jake. Seriously. Maybe you should have just killed yourself instead of cutting your hair. But, needless to say, me, Nick, and Greg are going to the city to wait on line." "Why do you have to go to the city to wait online? Can't you just do that from your dorm room?" Kelly looked at Jake and Joe laughed out loud. Kelly looked down and shook his head in disgust. "Jake.." Jake smiled weakly. "Just, uh, kidding... uh... yeah... so... Joe, where are you going to see it?" Joe stopped giggling. "Wait, can you be stupid again, I haven't laughed out loud like that since the ending of Final Fantasy. Probably somewhere where they have that digital projection." "Wait, you're going to New York City?" "What city do you think I meant, Kelly? Albany?" "Y... yeah. I guess. Sorry, I just had a Jake moment. Nick driving?" "Yes. How did you know he had a car?" "Lucky guess." "Ooooooooookay. Anyways. We're going to go down there the Monday before and just... wait. Like we did three years ago." "Your parents let you?" "Yes Jake, our parents let us. I'm going back in-" "WAIT!" They all look at Megoth, who has decided to get up off the stoop. Thunder is heard in the background. "I mean... got room for three more?" Joe looks at Megoth, while behind him, Jake and Kelly's eyes grow as wide as saucers. They start to mouth NO's and WHY's and wave their hands as if to say, "No" and "Why?". Joe can't see any of this. "Um... well... really?" "Sure... sure why... why not. I mean, it is our generation's gift, three new Star Wars movies, it's a thrice in a lifetime event, and since none of us waited on line last time, and three years is a long while to wait, why not? Jake, Kelly, you agree?" They stop mouthing and waving just as Joe turns to them. "Sure." "I mean, if there's room..." "There's not. But you could take your own car Jake. We would have to have the spot in line first... of course.... But since Nick and Greg like you guys, I can't see why. We leave May 12th, late night, so we get there Monday morning. Be outside. I won't remind you again." Joe walks past Megoth, stops, looks at them, giggles meanly, and then shrugs. He walks back into the dorm. Jake and Kelly walk over to Megoth. "What the hell are you doing, fat boy?" "I don't want to wait on line in Manhattan with Jo-" "Shut up and listen to me. In case you two didn't notice our moods changed dramatically when we walked outside. My anger left, as did Kelly's, and Jake's insecurity went away. There's something wrong with our rooms. It could be a gas leak, but I doubt it. I think someone might be after me, and they're using a type of emotion ray on our dorm floor. I have an anti-emotion ray (stop looking at me like that, I was in AP Physics and you know it, Kelly) that will null any ill effects that we're experiencing. You will have to deal with your hair the way it is though, Jake, it doesn't look that bad." "I know. Neither does Kellys." "It's not that bad, but I really can't believe why I did it." "We have to be on guard, people. I don't know who is after me or why, but I don't want to get you guys hurt." Jake couldn't help but to smile. What a good kid, Jake thought, but it's time to call Hector and talk to Jenkins. He was willing to bet a lot of money that whatever might be happening might have more to do with him than with Megoth. But he would never say it to him. "Thanks, tough guy." "Whatever, Megoth. I thought I was immune to shit like that, when my eyes go dark... right?" "We never tested anything but the flashy thing, Kelly. I don't know. But, we should act normally and met up once a day to see if we notice anything strange. I'll get... get right on it." "Might as well go back upstairs so you could... shoot us with ray beams, Megoth." They started to walk back up to their floor. Megoth stopped Jake with a hand on his chest. "I... I know you've been... been avoiding upstairs... but... I think it's time you went to check in on our lady friends. They might... might have been affected as well." Jake's heart sank to his belly. Faith. Mecca. Mercy. It has been a while. "You got it, fat chops."    
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